Jacki's Tricks and Treats

Halloween is one of my absolute FAVORITE holidays of the year, so I'm doing a special blog just for today. It's a list of the current tricks and treats in my life.

Before we get to the list of my current tricks and treats, a quick
announcement. I'm also running a special HALLOWEEN CONTEST. The gory details:

I'm running a one-day-only contest where you can win a signed Jacki
King story.

Simply go to my website at ReadJackiKing.com and check out my
excerpts. Then email me (xJackiKing@aol.com) with the subject
"Halloween Contest." In the email, put the name of the story that
you'd like to win.

I'll print out each one and do a random drawing for up to 3 winners.
(Legalese: You must be 18 years of age to enter)

TREAT
I recently saw a Comedy Central special with one of the funniest comediennes I have ever seen: Tammy Pescatelli. You may remember her from Season 2 of Last Comic Standing, but her special (currently on OnDemand) was my first exposure to her.

Her story about the day her family got kicked out of Disneyland, in addition to her social reform agenda of the "Save-a-Ho" project had me in stitches! Check her out!


TRICK
Britney Spears. Clearly your already-questionable creativity got sucked out of you in "rehab." You're borrowing from the Madonna playbook of "religious controversy = good press + comeback." Enough already. As my good friend Misty Simon likes to say, "Stop yourself!"


TREAT
Halloween candy--gimme, gimme, gimme! :-)


TRICK
Between-season sniffles. I think I've already used up 2 boxes of Kleenex/Puffs this week. I love this holiday, but I hate this transition. (note to self: buy stock in Kleenex).


TREAT
A brand new snuggly blanket. I recently hit Linens and Things for the best snuggly blanket I've ever had. It's just the right size, and I got to test it out last night while I was relaxing before bed and watching TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY (I just love that movie, but should I be concerned that I can actually nap to it instead of being kept awake by all the gunfire and violence?)


TRICK
The New Bionic Woman. There was absolutely NO reason to keep the heroine's name, especially when they already CHANGED THE SPELLING! They have changed EVERYTHING else about this show except the body parts she had replaced. No Oscar. No Rudy. No Steve Austin. No sweet little classroom of waifs on a reservation in Ojai, CA. They added another bionic woman, even (FAB choice in casting the chick who played Starbuck from the new Battlestar Galactica).

I really, really, REALLY was looking forward to this show, and I just feel cheated by several of the choices they've made.

TREAT
Family, friends, and fans.......I have the greatest, and I adore you all...Happy Halloween!!!

PS, for those of you keeping score at home, here are my current stats:

MySpace - 121 (wow!)

Facebook - 11

Friendster - 4

Online Crack (or, "MySpace, You Can Never Have Too Many Friends")

After having been fussed at about NOT having joined the modern world and having MySpace, FaceBook, Classmates.com, and Friendster pages/profiles, I've spent the majority of this week creating them (Lordhavemercy, people, it was enough of an effort to get my webpage and blog functional!)

And now I know why I avoided it for so long. . .

THEY ARE AS ADDICTIVE AS A CHOCOLATE-COVERED COVER MODEL!

Instead of writing all week, I have been pouring over a jillion pages of profiles, looking for high school/college/etc friends I've lost track of and ogling individuals I'm a fan of---everyone from comedians/comediennes to sports stars, to actors to the almighty Duran Duran (I'm a friend now...WOOOT...and I got John Taylor added separately...DOUBLE WOOT)!

I'm becoming obsessed with it! I'm now on a quest to build the biggest, funnest (I know it's not a word, but my high school English teacher isn't looking and neither is yours) group of happy people I can! By all means, join in!

I think you can find my profiles just by searching Jacki King, but if you have to search by email, use xJackiKing@aol.com in the search string.

Myspace: 44 friends
Facebook: 7
Friendster: 4

Check in next week for an update...I wanna double those numbers, at least!

Al Gore would be proud...

I did my undergraduate work at the University of Tennessee and had the pleasure of making friends with a nice guy named Paul, who was a nephew of Al Gore's. (Paul, if you're out there, email me! I haven't heard from you in ages!)

Now, he certainly didn't bang the environmental drum to the same extent his uncle does, but I have a fond spot in my heart for those days, so I do what I can for the cause....

When I saw this "Green up Your Sex Life" article, I was highly amused. After all, I consider two people, buck-nekkid and doing the horizontal mambo one of the most "environmentally friendly" activities there could be!

I couldn't imagine you needed any advice on how to make it more natural.

But I'd be neglecting my duty if I didn't spread the word......so get out there and save our environment (I'll be doing my part)! And if you need a little kindling for your fire, try one of my ebooks (that's environmentally friendly, too...NO paper!): www.ReadJackiKing.com

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

I was reared on the philosophical staple that honesty is always the best policy. And in 99% of all situations, I agree with it. There is, however, a fine line between honesty and cruelty.

I was listening to the Howard Stern show earlier this week when he aired this story (below) about a single gal cutting right to the chase of what she's looking for, and a man who pulled no punches in answering her query.

Of course, people all over the country are chiming in on this debate. Was the man being cruel or honest? You, dear reader, can decide:


The following was a singles ad on Craig's List in NY:
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------

What am I doing wrong?Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200-250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?Here are my questions specifically: - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms - What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings - Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)? - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there? - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out? - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLYPlease hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.Posting ID: 432279810


THE ANSWER:Dear 431649184:I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to 'buy you' (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as 'articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful' as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic 'pump and dump.' I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.